There’s no easy way say it, so I’ll just spit it out.

I’m going to rehab for alcohol, starting tomorrow, and will be offline for 45 days.

I realized last week that I had a really unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I’ve been lying to my doctors, friends, and loved ones about the amount of beer I drink. I would say “Maybe 2-3 a day, but not EVERY day!” which was a flat out lie. I’ve been crushing 6-10 beers a day, almost every day, for months, if not the last couple years.

I would limit myself to only drink after 3pm (unless we were going out to a bar to watch football (soccer), and those matches start as early as 7:30am. I have absolutely zero problem drinking Guinness at 7:30am), which now seems like a giant red flag. I’d wait until 3pm and then I’d start drinking. I thought that waiting until 3pm was being responsible, but now I see how that was letting alcohol take over, and control me.

Alcohol is a depressant, and if you’ve read my stuff before, you know that’s not good for me. When I drink, I feel happier, but when I wake up, it’s the opposite.

Hey, we’ve established a long time ago that I make horrible life choices, so this shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.

For the record, I haven’t hit rock bottom. I didn’t get a DUI, Nancy and I didn’t have a domestic incident, etc. I just realized last Sunday that I was no longer in control, and beer was. I would continuously look for opportunities to go out, with or without friends, in order to eat and, more importantly, drink.

For example, last June, I didn’t want to go to a private concert being put on by one of my favorite bands (Carbon Leaf), because alcohol was not allowed at the venue. I realize now that that was a shitty reason to not attend a private show for ~100 people by a band I’ve seen well over 25+ times.

I’ll be staying at the Alpas Wellness Center in La Plata, MD. I won’t have communications with the outside world for 5 days, and after that, I will only have the ability to make outbound phone/zoom calls a few times a week. I’m actually really looking forward to this experience. I’m looking forward to being able to go to a pub and watch football without the lure of a pint of Guinness (or 5). I want this monkey off my back, both for me, and for my loved ones and friends.

I want to thank Nancy, first and foremost. She has been at my side, supporting me through this whole week and a half since I asked for help. She’ll be driving me down tomorrow morning and my adventure will begin.

I want to thank my friends: Mayson, Melissa, Don, Luke, Chris, and Jessica. Without this close knit support structure, I’d be a mess. Thank you to Kathy for answering my questions about addiction, and how to get sober. Thanks to Joe, Eric, Chris, Robb and Julie for listening to me when I dumped this news on them and encouraging me. Thank you to Mom for having my back and supporting me.

Thank you to the entire everyone in the Signal chat group I’m part of. You know who you are, and you have been an amazing resource for me to vent my issues with.

Why am I writing all this? A few reasons. First, I want to normalize asking for help. Second, I don’t want anyone to think I’m ghosting them. Most importantly, I wanted folks who are in my predicament to know that they aren’t alone.

So, cheers to getting me getting better. If you need to get in contact with me, hit Nancy up and she’ll pass things along as she can.

HOORAY ADVENTURE!!!

Dan