Rock Band 4 can eat a bag of Hell….

It really pains me to post this, because I’ve been excited about this game for months…since around March…but….

Fuck Rock Band 4. Harmonix really phoned this shit in this time….They got an easy $250 from me and I would warn anyone else out there to wait until it’s in the bargain bin to get it.

The game plays fine, but there’s really nothing new (that I like), other than the fact I have a new drum set. Here’s what’s bothered me so far:

  • Freestyle Guitar Solo – No…just …no. If I’m playing a song, don’t let me ad-lib the solo. Play the effing solo like it’s supposed to be played. It comPLETEly threw me off when that came in…
  • Freestyle mode, to me, as a software developer, seems like an easy way out. “Hey, play like you want!” to me sounds like “We don’t wanna spend time mapping out the solos”. Oh, wait, that’s EXACTLY what the devs said in this:
  • I have to turn off Freestyle Guitar Solo EVERY TIME I LOG IN
  • The drums pads no longer control the XBOX
  • The ONLY thing you can do with the XBOX button on the drums is power off the CONSOLE.
  • There is no way to power off the wireless drums other than popping out a battery or letting it power itself off.
  • Harmonix said we could import all of our DLC. There is literally NO OPTION to do that……yet.
  • The on-disc songs are….meh….I was mostly excited about playing my DLC on XBONE…no idea when I can do that.
  • For pre-ordering the game, I got 30+ free songs. I input the code successfully and received this: “Congratulations, you now own Rock Band 4!”. Uh, no shit.
  • As the individual songs were downloading, they crashed RB4.

After the 3rd crash, I just said fuck it and powered everything off and started typing this. It’s a damn shame because once you start playing the songs, especially on drums, they are really fun. Unfortunately, the development put into RB4 is a MAJOR step back from any of the other releases, and after paying $250 for the game, and all new instruments, I feel robbed.


My wife, Nancy, has been best friends with Melissa for over 20 years. They were college roommates and their friendship has only grown since college.

Screen Shot 2015-08-31 at 6.54.03 PM

Nancy and Melissa

Yesterday, Nancy and I attended a “Life Celebration” for Melissa’s mom, Honey, who passed away on July 15th. The very first thing I learned yesterday was that her name was Victoria, or Vicki. I’m sure that at some point I had learned her name, but in the past 15 years, I’ve only known her by her nickname Honey, so that’s how she will always be remembered to me.

It was held in a private room at a bar near where she lived, and attended by friends and family. It was much like a traditional wake, minus the over-indulgence in booze that sometimes happens at other wakes.

Melissa and Honey

Melissa and Honey, on my wedding day, May 22, 1999

One of the planned events was to have folks tell personal stories about Honey that that others might want to hear. I absolutely had one story that was funny as hell, but not appropriate for that time or place. I brought it up to Melissa and we both laughed about the story, but agreed it shouldn’t be told there.

Maybe a post at a later date.

About 30-40 minutes into the stories from family and friends, I started to get choked up and excused myself. I realized I actually DID have a story that should/could be shared, so that’s what this post is about. I also realized that

  • my own unique way of telling stories verbally means that it usually takes 10-15 minutes to tell a 3 minutes story, and
  • I would never have been able to keep my composure enough to even keep it to 15 minutes

This is the story I wanted to tell yesterday, but was not able to because I became a blithering idiot just formulating the story in my mind.

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The Man Kiss Incident

I was stationed in Sabana Seca, Puerto Rico from August of 1994 to October of 1996. It was my second duty station in the Navy and I loved pretty much everything about it. I was 20 years old when I got there, and for the next 2+ years….well, I’d like to say that I could remember all of it, but that would be a lie. There are a lot of fuzzy memories down there.  But one of the best memories is when I was first kissed by a man.

That last sentence is pretty much the weirdest sentence I’ve ever typed.


In the early summer of 1995, I met one Aurelio Luis Perez-Lugones (that’s his full name….I had to type out his full name because, come on…that’s one bitchin’ name!). He went by the nickname “Odie”, because apparently at one of his earlier duty stations he was known to get drunk and lick the foreheads of his drinking buddies, like Odie would do in the Garfield comics.

Don’t ask…just run with it…we did.

He came on board as our LPO (Leading Petty Officer – the senior E-6 in our division) and lived in the barracks until his wife Kim was transferred to Puerto Rico a few months later.  Odie and I got along really well personally, and I introduced him to the rest of the degenerates that lived in the barracks.  There were many a night where we’d all sit around at the E-Club shooting the shit or drinking beer in the smoking area between the barracks.

In September of 95, Petty Officer First Class Perez-Lugones was selected for Chief Petty Officer. This was right around when his wife Kim reported on board for duty. Kim was an E-6 as well, and ran our IT department. For those that don’t know, being promoted from E-6 to E-7 in the Navy is a huge deal, and it means that fraternization rules come into play. A Chief can’t fraternize with subordinates like they could as an E-6 or below. This was my first experience with a friend being promoted to the point that it affected our friendship. It sucked on so many levels. Odie was one of my best friends, and while I was ecstatic that he made Chief, I knew our friendship was about to change.

He was no longer “Odie”, he was “Chief”.  I respected the hell out of him and was extremely happy for him that he got promoted. The one beef I had was that we couldn’t hang out as much as we had in the past. To each of our credits, we figured out how to hang out and have fun and not get in trouble.

For the most part….


In late September of 1996, a Hail & Farewell was set up for me at the Enlisted Club on base. Kim had been promoted to Chief as well. Same friendship, but the same rules applied to her as it did with Odie: she was “Chief”, not “Kim”, for the most part.

For enlisted, a Hail & Farewell is essentially a going away party set up by your division. I’m pretty sure that Odie & Kim helped set it up. My Hail & Farewell was scheduled to start at 4pm at the E-club on a Friday afternoon. I got there a little before 4pm, and of course there were a few friends already there. I hadn’t had a Hail & Farewell before, so even early on I felt like this was going to be a special night.

Around 4:30, most of my coworkers were at the club, almost everyone in uniform, having just come from work. This duty station wasn’t strictly US Navy.  There was a large contingent of US Marine Corps that served as physical security. The USMC guys were mostly very young, this being their first duty station out of boot camp and their tech (MOS, for the military types) school.

Even though it was the Enlisted Club, officers would come in for special occasions such as this. My Division Officer, an amazing lieutenant named Krista (that is her first name…I’m not using her last name to protect the innocent), came in and sat down with my new LPO, CTO1(SW) Rich McGurr.  I remember that Rich was drinking tequila in his dress whites. That stands out to me because I hardly ever saw him drink at the club. The three of us sat there and chatted about my time in Puerto Rico, and were having a good time.

About two hours later, we’re all still there, and many more friends have shown up. Odie, Kim, Rudy, Kat, and many more folks came by to celebrate my going away. We are having a damn good time, joking and reminiscing about the fun times in the 2+ years I had been stationed there. I’m drinking, smoking, and hanging out with friends, regardless of their ranks.

Rich is still drinking tequila. Krista is still drinking beer. I’m still drinking….something.

At some point, Krista mentioned the friendship between Odie and I.  She said something to the effect of “Chief Perez seems to be really friendly with everyone that he was friends with before his promotion, and not letting his promotion go to his head.”  Rich and I immediately agreed. Odie has always had a way about him that he can be both the asshole that he needs to be, but at the same time, completely humble.

It’s really hard to not like that sumbitch.

Full disclosure here…at this point I was well into the cups, and some of the details of the event still elude me to this day.  I can only tell the story how I remember it. It might not be 100% true, but it’s still damned funny.


I have no idea how we got on the topic, but Krista made mention of how well Odie, Kim, myself and the rest of the enlisted got along both in and outside of work.  Pretty sure the alcohol was in full effect when she jokingly dared me to kiss Odie. Rich and I chuckled, but she looked at us and said something like “C’mon, you two are such good friends that this would be hysterical! C’mon, Dan, go give Odie a kiss!”  Notice that she used my first name, instead of my rank and last name? Yeah, that’s booze!

I looked to Rich for guidance, out of instinct, and he just kind of shook his head and laughed. I looked back at my LT and was honestly surprised by her candor. That’s when she raised a single eyebrow and cocked her head.

I didn’t have a problem at all with the idea of walking over to my Chief and giving him a pop kiss on the lips. The shock value alone would be comedy gold. Odie was currently in his Chief khaki uniform schooling some low ranked Marines in how to play pool. I was just a little taken aback that Krista dared me to do it. I’ve done worse things for less dares.

Now it’s getting serious…


So Krista dared me to go up and kiss my Chief. She owned the dare, leaning back in her chair and looking at me like I didn’t have the stones to do it. I looked over at Rich, and he smiled and shook his head at me, as if to say “Dan, this is on you. She dared you to do this…not me”.

Krista smirked, still leaning back, and crossed her arms in front of her chest, as if waiting to see what I’d do. Well, when men are young, we tend to do really stupid things. I’m trying to save some face here and trying to think of some loophole to get me out of this dare, when Rich finally breaks his silence.

“LT, if you want Petty Officer Gilmore to shit or get off the pot, you need to ‘triple dog dare’ him to do it”, Rich said.

I looked at Rich like he had just slapped my mom. My first thought was “You traitorous sumbitch”, but I just stared at him, until I heard Krista chuckle. I’ll never know if the chuckle was for Rich’s reply or my reaction, but either way, she forged ahead.

“Petty Officer Gilmore….I triple dog dare you to go kiss Chief Perez!”, she said, and then leaned back to take another drink. There was no way out now. I either had to admit complete and total defeat in front of two of my supervisors that I respected immensely, or put on my big boy pants and do what needed to be doing.



Odie was in his khaki uniform, shooting pool with a bunch of Marines, all of them at least 10 years younger than him. I put out my Marlboro Red, chugged the last of my beer, and stood up. I looked Rich directly in the eyes, my face solid as stone. He looked at me with a reaction that said “Hey, what’d I do?”.

“Rich, when the waitress comes around again, can you order me another beer….you at least owe me that!”, I said. I looked over at Krista, and she was still tight lipped, apparently wondering what the hell I was about to do. I remember thinking “Dammit, Dan…Rich has the right of it…I need to shit or get off the pot”, so I turned around, and walked up to Odie.

As I came up behind him, he had just finished taking a pool shot and was giving some Privates some shit. He turned around and said “Oh, hi, Dan!”.

I leaned in and gave him a pop kiss on the lips.

The look on the Marines was absolutely priceless. They were just kind of stunned. They didn’t move or say a word, and some of them just looked at us with their jaw on the floor.

“What was that for?” Odie asked.

“Krista triple dog dared me to do it” I responded. Some of the bystanders started laughing, wondering what Odie’s response would be. He actually threw his head back and laughed. I turned around and looked at Krista and Rich and they were both laughing as were a great deal of other folks. I’m thinking that I’m good and I won the dare! WOOHOO!


U.S. Navy sailor Glenn Edward McDuffie (L) kisses a nurse in Times Square in an impromptu moment at the close of World War Two, after the surrender of Japan was announced in New York August 14, 1945. A man who claimed to the sailor seen in the iconic photograph kissing a nurse in New York's Times Square to mark the end of World War Two, has died in Texas at the age of 86, the Houston Chronicle reported on Friday. Glenn Edward McDuffie, who was 18 at the time of the famed "kiss" photo taken in August 1945, spent most of his post-war years in Houston and will be buried in a veteran's cemetery in Dallas, the paper quoted his family members as saying. Picture taken August 14, 1945. REUTERS/Victor Jorgensen/US Navy/Handout via Reuters  (UNITED STATES - Tags: MILITARY MEDIA) FOR EDITORIAL USE ONLY. NOT FOR SALE FOR MARKETING OR ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS. THIS IMAGE HAS BEEN SUPPLIED BY A THIRD PARTY. IT IS DISTRIBUTED, EXACTLY AS RECEIVED BY REUTERS, AS A SERVICE TO CLIENTS

Much like this…

In a completely serious and deadpan voice, Odie said “You think that’s a kiss? THIS is a kiss!” He then embraced me in a hug, used one of his legs to kick the back of one of my knees and dip me backwards, and proceeded to give me a REAL kiss…tongue and all.

Odie pulled me back up and our audience ERUPTED in laughter.

I could only stand there, holding onto the pool table for balance and think “Ok, THAT just happened”.  Odie asked if I was ok and hugged me. I realized the humor of it all and then I absolutely lost it in laughter.

For the rest of the night, folks came up to me and/or Odie and commented on how funny the whole scene was. Honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a more memorable scene for a Hail & Farewell.


All the above happened on a Friday night. My next watch was Saturday night’s midwatch, so I left work at 0700 on Sunday morning. When I got back to base, I went over to get my mail. The Post Office was attached to the base’s gym, and also a little short order deli-like restaurant. So I’m sitting on a bench reading my mail, eating some breakfast and Kim rides up on her bicycle to check mail.

She gets off her bike, looks directly at me, points, and shouts “HOMEWRECKER!!” For a second there, I was scared as hell, then she started laughing. I kinda feel bad for the short order cook that witnessed it, because he didn’t know wtf had happened.


On Monday morning, the end of my second midwatch, I did my usual turnover and was about to go home. As I walked out of the comm center, Krista was walking in. She asked me to grab Rich and meet her in her office. This was a very odd request, but when your Division Officer tells you to something, you do it.

Rich and I sat in front of Krista’s desk and neither of us had an idea what was going to happen. Situations like this usually led to an ass chewing. Rich and I prepared for it.

“I completely and totally apologize for my actions on Friday night”, Krista said.

Rich and I looked at her, at each other, and back at her. I was confused. Everything that had happened was all in good fun, and there shouldn’t have been any apologies from anyone. Krista said that Odie was on leave, and she’d have to apologize to him in person at a later date. She said that she was completely out of line to ask me to do something like she asked. I was even more confused.

“Permission to speak freely?” I asked.

“Permission granted, Petty Officer Gilmore,” she responded.

“What the fuck, ma’am? I don’t need – nor want – your apology. I have absolutely no issue with what went down, and I don’t think anyone else should either” I said.

It turns out that our Commanding Officer found out about the whole thing and was pissed that our LT was at the start of it. LT got reamed out for something that was so stupid, and she was forced to apologize to the “lower” enlisted that were part of it.

I told her, “Ma’am, I don’t accept your apology because it is not necessary. It was all in good fun and I’d do it again in a heartbeat because it was hysterical”. She just looked at me and smiled.

“Thank you,” she said.

Officially, that was the end.

She looked at me and said, “For the record, that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever fucking seen”.

And with that, it made it all ok.

My Wife Cried At the Bar Today

No, this isn’t the title of my new country/western song.nancy

As most of you know, my wife Nancy is shaving her head tomorrow and donating her long locks to WIgs for Kids.

She and I have been raising money for St Baldrick’s to fight children’s cancers. She set a goal of $10,000 to reach, back in November of 2014, and it came to fruition today…one day before the event.

We went to Lures in Crownsville for lunch. Honestly, we went there because I had a craving for a burger, but also one of our favorite bartenders’ last day was today. After we ordered our drinks, Nancy started getting notifications about donations to her St Baldrick’s fund. Little by little, it looked like she was going to make her goal.

Mike, the bartender, walked over to me and slipped me a fifty, and said “Please add this to her fund.”  He then walked over to another person sitting at the bar, and explained what Nancy was doing.

The guy introduced himself, and said “I own this place…Hey Mike? Take $100 out of the till please?” and boom Nancy had $150 that quick.

A little later on, we got an enormous gift from my best friend (names redacted due to not contacting him yet) which put her at $10K. We both got misty from the money from our local joint, but then our friend put Nancy at the goal?  Yeah, there was some eye leakage.

Bottom line? Not only do our friends kick ass, some folks we only know from a restaurant have helped restore faith in humanity.

Thank you, humans.


The Fathers Day Incident


Don caught a Hodges!


Cap’n Chris driving my boat!











(If you share this link on Facebook, please DO NOT tag folks involved in this story)

What do I mean by this? Myself, my wife, and damn near all my friends and family laugh at things that we probably should not laugh at. I can’t speak for my other friends, but I laugh at inappropriate stuff to help me deal with whatever I’m going through.

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#wpmom and the WordPress Community

I have been involved in the WordPress community for about 6-7 years, and I’ve always been impressed with the people that I’ve met. Coming from a .NET programming background, the WordPress community could not have been more different. I’m not bashing on .NET, it’s just that with the advent of social media, specifically Twitter, I’ve received more help in this community than any other I’ve been part of in my professional life. I could list many a story on how this community has raised money for folks wanting a new computer, needing medical care, and at one point helped buy a person a house.

A friggin’ house, y’all.

Yesterday, I got the news that a WordPress colleague, Kim Parsell, had passed away. The how and why are not important. The point is that WordPress has suffered a huge loss. I don’t know when I followed Kim on Twitter, but it’s been years. She was given the nickname WordPress Mom, shortened to a hashtag #wpmom, because she genuinely cared about others. Her maternal instincts would make sure that Jan ate lunch. She would remind Andrea to get up from the computer for a few minutes during the day. She repeatedly reminded me that it’s a bad idea to tell my customers to “go shit in a hat”.

I finally met her at WordCamp Baltimore in 2012, and to be quite honest, at first, she kinda bugged me. Jesus, she could talk! About anything, and everything. I remember her being interested in almost everybody, and having that camera of hers either in her hands or around her neck at all times. She took some amazing photographs. At some point on that Saturday, she went from being annoying to endearing. I enjoyed hanging out with her that day, and looked forward to seeing her again. I figured BFE, Ohio isn’t that far from Baltimore, so we’d see each other again soon. Welp….

I could sit here and type how her passing made me lose my shit during the football game yesterday, or how I dreaded going to work this morning…knowing that I’d be on Twitter and be reminded about her death all day, crying into my keyboard, trying not to let coworkers see. But this post isn’t about me. This post really isn’t even about Kim’s passing so much as it’s about how awesomazing the WordPress community is.

At 2:37pm today, I saw a tweet that Kim’s son, Gary, needed some help.

Hi everyone. This isn’t the sort of thing I normally do, but with the recent loss of my mom, I am having to postpone the starting of my new job and money is running very thin. I would appreciate any help you could give to help me pay my bills while I grieve for the loss of my mother. Anything you can give is appreciated. Thanks, Gary Thrasher #wpmom #mymom

I clicked the link and saw something that made me lose it again right there at my desk:

$760 of $1000 raised by 8 people in 42 minutes

At the time of this writing, 29 people have donated $1,760 in four hours.

Go ahead and wrap your brain around that.

My long-winded point to this post? I’ll miss the hell out of #wpmom, but I have never been more proud to be associated with a community like I am with WordPress.  I’ve seen the wagons circled in support of folks when their code is stolen, pirated, or their copyrights infringed. This is the first time I’ve seen the WordPress folks circle their wagons on a personal level (as it happened). Seeing a community come together for #wpmom’s son made my heart melt.

To anyone and everyone in the WordPress community that has reached out and helped a colleague, thank you.

I’m convinced Kim is out there somewhere, looking down and appreciating what you are all doing….

Unless she’s talking St Peter’s ears off at those gates 😉

Help My Wife Fight Cancer

I apologize – only to a certain extent – for the click-bait of that title.


Look at those locks!

To clarify, my wife, Nancy, does not have cancer. She is helping fight children’s cancers.  At this point, I will pretty much do anything in order to help my wife make her goal of $10,000 all in support of the St. Baldrick’s Foundation.


As some of you know, I had a cancer scare five years ago. Thankfully, it wasn’t cancer, but it was a huge wake-up call that cancer is real, and it could affect me (and my loved ones).  In the past five years, I’ve gone out of my way to help raise money and awareness to help wipe out this horrible disease.

I’ve shaved my head twice for St Baldrick’s, done Movember a couple times, and donated to countless charities to fight cancer. I’m such a sucker for donations that I even offered to shave my eyebrows at the St Baldrick’s event last year for $600. Turns out my friends are awesome/horrible…I got the money in less than an hour.

But this post isn’t about me…

…this is about my lovely wife.

I thought I couldn’t be more proud of Nancy after what she’s done professionally, but I was wrong.  She and I had previously volunteered our time to help set up and organize the St Baldrick’s event at Fadó in Annapolis, MD, but only I had shaved my head. During the planning of the last St Baldrick’s event in February of 2014, she decided that she wanted to participate as a shavee. The last time Nancy got any sort of haircut was in August of 2013.

For those of you that don’t know Nancy, she’s a lawyer. She is currently Associate Area Counsel with the IRS. This might not mean much to folks that don’t/haven’t worked in the government, but it means she is a lawyer as well as a manager of other lawyers, while employed by the US government. The gov’t can be a bit conservative on personal appearances, especially at her level, a GS-15. On top of that, she’s a female, and current society doesn’t look upon females with shaved heads as easily as men. She really didn’t care, she just wants to help out, and both myself and our friends that she’s shared this with cannot be more supportive. Even her office is supportive.

Everything was coming together, her working with her office, deciding how to wear her long hair until March of 2015, and then something happened that made her really want to participate.

Rebecca, a little girl she didn’t know at all, died

I found out that Eric Meyer‘s daughter, Rebecca, was battling cancer at the beginning of 2014. He’s a web developer that I have followed for years on Twitter. I don’t feel comfortable typing a lot about Eric and Rebecca here on my own blog post, but I must say that one of the major reasons that Nancy wants to shave and raise money is to honor Rebecca.

When I first read about Rebecca, I told Nancy about her and would update Nancy about her when I knew anything new. It wasn’t until after I shaved my head in March of last year that I realized that the Meyer family was involved with St Baldrick’s.  Carolyn, Rebecca’s sister, had shaved her head for the cause. I would have loved to gone back in time and given all my donations to Carolyn.

Sadly, on June 7th, 2014, Rebecca passed on her 6th birthday.

I broke down and cried, and Nancy decided that she would honor Rebecca with her St Baldrick’s donations.

This is what Nancy posted on her St Baldrick’s page:

Cancer has affected so many people that I am close to, and I have seen too many people die from it. When the victim of this horrible disease is a child, the injustice seems even more poignant. This was brought home last year when, just a short time after last year’s event, my husband’s friend lost his 6-year-old daughter to cancer. This year, I am joining my husband by shaving my head to raise money for children’s cancer research. I have also been letting my hair grow for the last year so that I can donate the hair they shave to Wigs for Kids.

Childhood cancers are different from adult cancers and childhood cancer research is extremely underfunded. So please help me raise money for cures by making a donation. Every dollar makes a difference for the thousands of infants, children, teens, and young adults fighting childhood cancers.

Thank you very much for your support!


I have been on the fence for weeks about posting this, specifically about using information about Eric and Rebecca. I feel like I’m mooching off someone’s tragedy to make money and I feel dirty. It is NOT my intention to do that. Nancy and I were truly and honestly moved reading Eric’s posts.  We’re not trying to profit from anything, we just want to help stop cancer that kills children.

With that said, I felt I needed to post this to share how much Nancy is investing with this. She’ll be a 40 year old female lawyer with a shaved head that works for the government. It’s honestly not nearly as easy as it sounds.  I cannot be more proud of her, and I will be tweeting/facebooking the hell out of her link until March 15th when she gets the shave :)

Please share this post wherever you can, via twitter, FB, email, etc….I don’t care.  Let’s kick cancer in the nards!


In Memoriam: Rebecca

To donate to Nancy:

The Shirt Stay Incident

When I was stationed in Maryland back in 96-99, I would sometimes have to report for duty up at Ft Meade, MD. Due to the high profile of my duty station at the time, Commander, Naval Security Group, I was required to wear my dress uniform more often than not.  I had no problem wearing it, but the Navy summer dress uniform had a major problem: the shirt tended to creep up and become untucked over the work day.  The solution? Elastic!  shirtstays

I purchased shirt stays from the local NEX (Naval Exchange), and here’s how they work: You attach the top parts to the front tails of your shirt, both on the left and right side, then the other two are snapped to the left and right rear tails of your dress shirt.  Once attached to your shirt, you would put on your socks, and pull down the elastic bands and attach to the top of your socks.  Once they were properly attached, you’d put on your dress pants and shoes.

To make it even more secure, us sailors would wrap the shirt stays around our legs. I would attach the upper clasp to the front-left tail of my shirt, and wrap the elastic down around my leg and attach it to my sock on the back of my thigh.  Then the front-right tail of my shirt would be attached to the back of my right sock.  Then I’d reverse it for the rear tails…attach them to the front of my socks.  It kept my shirt tucked in at all times, and it looked AWESOME.

I used shirt stays safely for about three or four years without incident.  Hell, I just typed “used without incident”.  Back then, my brain never thought that there would ever be an incident.  I was sadly mistaken.

I don’t remember exactly who I was with, but one fateful day I went out on a smoke break with a buddy (from here on out known as Buddy).  Buddy and I had to walk almost a full city block from our office at CNSG to the smoking area out in the front of the building.  Buddy and I were about halfway to the smoking area and I felt a little nudge on my right sock.  The front part of my right sock felt like it sagged a little bit.  I kind of looked down, acknowledging that something was a bit off kilter, and then Buddy said “Dan, are you listening?”

“Oh, sorry…what was that?”, I said as we turned a corner in the basement of the building.  The hallway got a bit brighter, and Buddy got quiet…we were walking up on the quarterdeck of CNSG.

To those not in the Navy, when approaching/crossing the quarterdeck of any Navy ship or shore station, you always show respect.  Think of it as walking into a church/library combination where you are on your best behavior, and also talking with your lowest voice.

Buddy said “Hold on…”, as we walked towards the quarterdeck.  The Officer Of the Day (OOD) just happened to be walking back from the cafeteria (I know, “galley” in Naval terms, but we were on a shore site….and the Philly Cheese Steaks were better than anything you’d get on a ship!) with his lunch, so we moved out of his way.

This is when my life was truly altered.  I remember Buddy walking along side of me on my right, and the Lieutenant acknowledged Buddy and I as he walked past.  As I moved to my right, I felt something move on my right sock…

Then everything happened in slow motion.

I felt the clasp become undone on my sock and then felt physics come into play. Upon reflection there was no sound to what happened next, but if it were a movie, it certainly would have sounded like a balloon popping. The metal clasp on the front of my right sock opened and the elastic contracted at damn near light speed, inside my pant leg, as I was walking.

My right leg was extended forward and I felt the metal clasp shoot up my leg, again, remembering this all in slow motion.  The lower clasp shot up and…doing what elastic does…it didn’t just stop once the elasticity was expended.  It continued further up.

My right foot touched the ground just as the metal clasp finished its slingshot journey up my leg, right into the worst possible location:  My boys.

If you are a male, imagine the feel of a rubber band being extended and shot onto your boys from a distance of three feet.  If you are female, think of…uh…I dunno….the worst rubber band pain? I honestly don’t know.

The next thing I know, I’m laying on the ground in front of an admiral’s quarterdeck, in a fetal position, with tears coming down my face.  My mouth is wide open in a cry of pain, but there is absolutely no sound coming from me.  I am cupping what I think is left of my twigs and berries.  At that point, I honestly thought, due to the pain, that everything had been cleanly severed and I’d never ever have kids.

My next memory is the LT kneeling down and…I smell his cheese steak.  Yeah, that’s my thought process…FOOD.

“Petty Officer Gilmore, are you OK?  What’s wrong?”, said the LT.

He’s holding my shoulder in one hand, and his carryout cheese steak in the other.  I tried to stand up and just kind of laid there, whimpering.

“Sir, I’m fine…I just had a…uniform accident. My shirt stay…kind of….didn’t”

Once I said that, I heard a guffaw from Buddy.  I rolled over (still laying on the ground in dress whites) and saw Buddy laughing so hard he was crying and doubling over.  I can’t blame him, as I would have probably laughed my ass off as well.

So, a few minutes later, there I am, outside an admiral’s quarterdeck, sitting in a leather bound chair.  Many a sailor has already passed by me, giving me a weird look, mainly because I was still holding my junk in pain.

In conclusion, Buddy and I went and smoked, I stopped wearing shirt stays, and I missed out on that Philly cheese steak for lunch….


How would YOU build this solution?

In my organization, we have a 24×7 help desk, and they asked me to create a custom theme for their use to track system outages, and provide daily summaries to upper management. This will be on a WordPress Multisite installation and the subsite will be private for only the helpdesk and management.

I first installed Advanced Custom Fields and WP Posts 2 Posts based on recommendation from Jesse Peterson.  I created two custom post types, Outage and Summary.  What I want to do is have each outage be a separate post, and at the end of the day, the Summary post type would list each outage that happened on that day.  In addition to the outages, the summary would also have info pertinent to that day, such as personnel, etc.

Jesse showed me an example of how he did it on one of his sites, and it looked really slick.  I’d like to have the main page be a chronological list of outages and summaries (got that part done), and in the right primary column, list the summaries in order.  When I click on the summary, I want the list of outages on the main content portion.

I’m not looking for folks to write code, but I’m curious how you would go about creating this solution.

My Movember, 2012

As most of you know, when I try to grow facial hair, I tend to look like a 13 year old Guatemalan boy.  On estrogen.  With that said, for the last four years, every November I’ve been growing a moustache ridiculing myself for money. What is this madness? Why would I do something like this?  What drives me to continue?
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